You know for sure your relationship is over, finished, done, enough. It’s time to end your relationship. But how? How to break up with someone nicely?
Today I’m going to help you put an end to your relationship. Anyway, what do you want to know first?
I understand you are in a difficult situation today. You want to break up with your boyfriend but you don’t know how? It’s difficult, maybe. But first of all, I want you to understand that a break-up almost never goes smoothly.
Look… there are countless shady websites and magazines trying to present you with all kinds of utopian break-up tactics that will supposedly not hurt him.
I’m sorry… but these “completely painless” ways to end a relationship actually don’t exist. You will certainly hurt him. That sounds harsh, but it’s part of it. Nobody likes it.
As I said, there is no completely painless way to end a relationship. Breaking up is like pulling a rotten tooth. It’s never fun. But in some cases, ending your relationship is the best option. If you are sure that your relationship is over and out, then you have come to the right place.
How to End Relationship with Somebody you Love??
Today I can give you tips to end a relationship as painlessly as possible with a little drama. So it is the right time to end the relationship in a way that is most pleasant for both of you.
You’ll learn the best ways to break up and you’ll learn some of the most terrible mistakes that people make when trying to break up. So you never have to make these mistakes.
Tip 1: The bad news principle
What do doctors and police officers have in common? Uhm… they both save lives. But there is something else they have in common. Both are very good at one thing. And that is “having a bad news conversation”.
Having such a conversation is a real art. The main technique that both doctors and police officers are about starting a bad news conversation is this: Don’t wind it up.
If you want to break up, this is exactly what you want to do. Don’t beat around the bush. Be direct. Keep it short and sweet.
Yet many people do this wrong when they want to break up a relationship. Many people put off the bad news for too long. Then they try to get their message across with all sorts of detours and soothing words :
“Uhmm… well… Uhm… you know I think you’re really sweet and all… and I think it’s more about you than me….. I’m really having a good time with you! But… well… I don’t know I need some time for myself or something. I think something like that… um…. Well.. sorry?”
His response: “He doesn’t understand what you mean.” Plus, you’re hurting him a lot if you break up with it this way. Men need directness and clarity.
Many women try to break up a relationship in a “gentle way” by being very sweet and completely avoiding the message.
But the truth is “You’ll only hurt him more that way”.
Remember, it’s bad news.
So be short, direct, and clear. Deliver the message right at the beginning of the conversation.
How to do that?
“I’m breaking up with it.”
This way works billions of times better than running around it. And I understand it’s hard to be honest and direct. But still, it’s the very best for both of you.
I understand that the sentence “I break up” is sometimes not enough. At the supreme moment, this sentence is extremely difficult to pronounce. That’s why I’m going to help you with that in the next tip.
Tip 2: Write your story.
No matter how you break up with your boyfriend… it’s still hard once you’re in front of him.
I get it. That is why it can help enormously to put your story on paper. Write clearly why you care. Then repeat the phrase “I’m breaking up” a few times to yourself. Also, repeat the reason a couple of times.
But remember: keep it short and sweet.
It’s very sweet that you want to tackle your break-up in a “gentle” way, but this isn’t going to work. This written version is purely for you to practice breaking up. Don’t you dare send this written version to him? You are not going to send a letter, e-mail, or app to him at all.
Nope…!! But you’re going to do it face to face.
Tip 3: Do it face to face.
I once dated a really nice girl for a while. The dating lasted a little over a month, yet she made a huge impact on me, even though in the end we didn’t fit together at all. The closing word finally came from her…
… via an app.
I still remember the exact day and place. It is indescribable how much it hurts when someone cuts off contact in a cold, digital way. The contact between us only lasted a short time, but this message touched me deeply.
Think about how this must feel after years of relationship. You break up digitally. This is the most impersonal way you can break up.
I understand. It’s easy for you. One message and you’re done. You don’t have to face him and you don’t have to be with his reaction.
Some women even think breaking up via text would be better because it’s less confrontational.
But let me be clear. You break up a relationship with your boyfriend face to face. I understand this is difficult.
With one app you immediately destroy everything you have built together. You leave a sour and nasty aftertaste.
Breaking up digitally (or by letter) is simply not done. Even if you’re in a long-distance relationship, breaking up over skype is an option, as long as you can see him. So you should decide face to face.
Then there are other things to keep in mind: time and place.
Tip 4: Make sure you have the right timing.
What’s the best timing to break up with someone?
- On Valentine’s Day.
- In the middle of an argument.
- When he is busy with something very important.
- On his birthday.
- None of the above.
Which answer did you choose? Just answer the most logical to me.
Good timing is very important if you want to end your relationship. Your timing largely determines how your break-up will go. I can guarantee you’ll double the drama if you break up with your boyfriend on his birthday. Don’t do it when he’s busy. Don’t do it on a special day.
Provide a quiet moment for both of you. Make sure you both have time for each other. Make sure that there are no distractions and that you can focus one hundred percent on each other.
Once you’ve found the right timing, it’s also important to be aware of the most appropriate place to end your relationship.
Tip 5: Make sure you have the right place.
Imagine being in a relationship with your dream man. You are made perfectly for each other. He is intelligent, listens to you well, and looks handsome too.
Your prince on the white horse decides to take you for a weekend in Paris. Together you stand on the beautiful Eifel Tower, watching a breathtaking sunset in the French capital. It’s a romantic moment in the city of love. He looks at you long and deep. He pauses for a moment. And then he says: “Honey, I’m breaking up.”
Probably something like this: Do you see where I want to go?
The place (and the timing, for that matter) for breaking up a relationship is downright awful in the example above.
Choose a quiet place to finish your relationship. Preferably you end the relationship at your home or at his place.
The only exception is when you want to break up with your partner. If this is the case, you’ll want to find a quiet, neutral place to finish your relationship. You can end your relationship at home, but at least make sure that you don’t have to be home for a while after your decision. It can get pretty uncomfortable if you’re still in the same bed after the breakup.
In general, you want to choose a place where it is quiet and where you will not be disturbed. He may be reacting emotionally. Therefore, avoid crowded public places. Nothing is more painful than watching a breakup in a crowded place full of other people.
You want to be able to tell your story quietly, he needs a calm environment to process the grief.
This brings me right to the next point: Give him the space to process your decision…
Tip 6: Let him respond.
Breaking up with your relationship is difficult. I totally understand that. Ideally, you want to get rid of it as soon as possible. Drop the bomb and you’re done. Then Move on with your life.
But what you need to understand is the bad news for him. It can be very intense and drastic in the beginning. You can schedule the break-up. Not him.
He may react emotionally when the bad news hits him. Make sure you stay calm and give him time to tell his story. Unfortunately, it is not the case that you can break up and then immediately walk away.
Be there for him and let him respond.
Remember… this phase can be quite unpleasant. In an emotional response, he can say quite a few things to you that can go wrong with you. He might get really sad or even really mad at you.
Again, this is difficult. But stay calm and give him space for this reaction.
It’s normal to react emotionally when you get bad news. If you understand this, you will not be tempted to go against him violently, but you will ensure that the break-up goes with drama.
Moreover, it is also very mature if you can be empathetic towards him. Listen to him and let him respond for a moment.
But what if he gets really mad? Look, of course, there are limits. By the time he loses control or starts scolding you, it’s time to give credit to yourself. In such a situation, you may excuse yourself and make it clear to him that you will not allow yourself to be treated like this.
In an extreme case, it is permissible to run away from him. But in general, keep calm and give him time to react and process your decision. Once you’ve done this, it’s important to stay consistent.
Don’t change your mind. No matter what he says and no matter how emotional he gets, make sure you stick to your decision. The following tip will help you with that.
Tip 7: Watch out for this common mistake.
Many women are very sweet. They understand that a break-up can hurt. They, therefore, treat their ex-boyfriend as sweetheart by “remaining friends”. This is actually well-intentioned but still a stupid move.
Because, In some cases, such a woman confuses herself.
A good example of this comes from a woman we coached last year. She had remained friends with her ex after the break-up. Eventually, she started to like him again. All the drama… she had with her ex suddenly repeated itself.
Remember this: Never try to get your ex back… NEVER !!!
It is very important to stay consistent. You break up and then it’s done. Don’t be tempted to treat him the “nice way” by remaining friends. Don’t give him mixed signals. Make it clear to him that the relationship is over.
If you treat him too “kindly” and keep giving him mixed signals after the break-up, you will only make it worse for you and for him.
There is only one thing you can do best at this stage. You can read what that is in the next tip.
Tip 8: Remove him completely from your life.
I know… This tip sounds harsh. But sometimes the hard choice is the best option.
In the previous tip, I mentioned that it is important to stay consistent about your decision. The best way to do this is to remove him from your life completely. “Just stay friends” is a myth.
At least, this applies in any case to the period immediately after the break-up. The best thing you can do during that period is to cut off contact as much as possible:
- Remove him from your contact list.
- Block him on all social media.
- Throw out anything in the house that reminds you of him.
- Don’t talk to him anymore.
But what if I really want to stay friends with my ex? Many men are stubborn creatures. When you say you “just want to stay friends”, they don’t get the hint. This is exactly what many women do wrong when they turn down a date with a man, for example.
Instead of being direct and saying “no more date”, many women choose to “get out of the date” as an excuse. I understand why this happens, an excuse is easy and you don’t hurt him. But at the same time, you don’t solve the problem either. He will keep trying just because you haven’t been clear.
Again, men need immediacy and clarity. And your decision will only really become clear to him if you can remove him from your life.
I understand this isn’t always easy, but it’s best for both you and him.
There is nothing more tiring than endless conversations with your ex on the phone in which he tries to persuade you to come back with all kinds of useless arguments.
So… Protect yourself and put a clear end to it.
Also read: How to Set an Independent Relationship
Tip 9: How to break up with someone? The most important element.
Before you officially end the relationship, I want to give you one very important tip. There is one element of breaking up that is extremely important. Yet many people often forget this element: Honesty.
Do not worry. I’m not going to burden you with a long story about how honesty ultimately lasts the longest. I want you to realize how important honesty is in a breakup.
You may be familiar with this infamous phrase: “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Well, We both know that 99 percent of the time, this reason is completely bullsh*t.
Explain to him honestly and clearly why you care. Whatever the reason, don’t keep it to yourself. In the end, being honest is best for both of you. You’ll feel better about your decision if you’ve been honest.
He understands your position better and he may take important lessons that he can apply in later relationships.
Honesty will help both of you, no matter how hard it is, just say the real reason. I wish you all the best with the difficult but necessary decision you are about to make.
And after that….. It’s time to move on. Time to continue developing yourself and meeting other men. Again… good luck if you end your relationship later. I wish you much success and happiness in your further life.