A monogamous relationship, the one great love, is what so many people dream of. A partner for life. Grow old together. Trust each other. Being there for each other.
As romantic as it sounds, the statistics show that the concept of the monogamous relationship does not work for many people as it does in the romance novel. High divorce rates, cheating, trying to have an open relationship.
When you envision a perfect relationship, do you think monogamous? Yes? Then you are in good company, at least in the western part of the world.
Even if surveys by various research institutes in recent years repeatedly declared monogamy to be obsolete, it remains the norm in most areas of the western hemisphere, also because many social structures promote this form of relationship.
In the recent past, the concept has increasingly moved from lifelong monogamy to so-called ” serial monogamy “.
This means that two individuals live together with a partner in life for as long as it seems suitable for them. Then they switch to the next, also monogamous relationship.
What is monogamy?
Monogamy is a relationship with only one partner.
Colloquially, the term is often equated with marriage, which is why one also speaks of the so-called “monogamy”.
Today there are many different forms of monogamous relationships. So-called serial monogamy is widespread. Both partners are sexually loyal, but only for a limited period of their relationship. If it then comes to separation, both look for a new partner with whom they live monogamous again.
In a social monogamous relationship, on the other hand, both partners stay together with their entire life, but isolated affairs and affairs are allowed or even desired.
Where does monogamy come from?
For many people in western nations, monogamy still applies to …
For many people in western nations, monogamy is still the ideal form of relationship into old age.
The question remains, where does the concept of monogamy actually come from? After all, in human history, there have always been alternative relationship models such as polygamy, group marriage, and polygamy.
Many “originally” living societies still practice polygamy as a matter of course and in large parts of Africa, in India and most Arab countries, for example, polygamous marriages are recognized under civil law.
In the vast majority of western societies, however, monogamy has prevailed as the predominant form of relationship throughout history.
Monogamous relationship – is that still contemporary?
Is a monogamous relationship still contemporary? Or is the model of eternal loyalty long out of date in today’s modern world?
This is what proponents of a monogamous partnership say:
“True love is when loyalty is fun!” If one believes the proponents of a monogamous way of life, then eternal loyalty is anything but a compulsion. Rather, it is something that is taken for granted when you really love someone.
Another argument for monogamy: Long-term relationships with a steady partner have a positive effect on our psyche and our health. Scientists found that such people suffer less from depression and anxiety.
And the children also benefit from the loyal behavior of their parents. It has a positive effect on their personal development and contributes to the fact that they suffer less from fear of attachment as adults and are more able to build long-term and deep relationships with other people.
To find the one person to spend your whole life with. The one person who can satisfy all of our emotional, social and physical needs and who is by our side in every situation. According to critics of monogamy, this is pure wishful thinking.
They even claim that it is only the attempt to have a monogamous relationship that leads us to infidelity.
Why this? For them, monogamy means one thing above all else: renunciation. A renunciation of physical closeness and intimacy towards other people, which at some point inevitably leads to an affair.
But that doesn’t mean that the opponents of monogamy are totally unromantic. For them, this is just love something unlimited. Something that you can share with as many people as you want and that is not limited to a single partner.
Are humans inherently monogamous?
Evolutionary research shows that we humans have always had socially monogamous relationships. Sexual monogamy, on the other hand, used to be rare.
You lived with a steady partner in the family bond, but also had several, purely sexual, relationships.
While polygamy is still widespread in large parts of Africa and many Arab countries, sexual monogamy is gaining ground in Europe and the rest of the western world.
The wedding ritual as a seal of lifelong partnership has existed since Roman times. It is still an integral part of our western value system today.
Monogamy is best suited to our procreation
Even if it cannot be clarified whether we humans are monogamous beings by nature, the findings from the animal world allow clear conclusions to be drawn. Because we humans usually only give birth to one child per pregnancy and it takes 18 years for it to grow up and lead an independent life.
How can a monogamous partnership work?
Are you one of the majority for whom loyalty in a partnership is very important?
These 5 tips will help it work in the long term:
1. Open communication
Whether with friends, family, or partners. Open and clear communication is the basis for any long-term relationship.
Talk to your partner about your needs and don’t be afraid to openly address problems.
2. Mutual trust
Trust is also immensely important if a relationship is to work over the long term. Avoid mistrust and jealousy and allow each other space.
3. Show understanding
Just as important as communicating your own needs is to respond to your partner’s wishes. Also, listen to his problems and try to find a solution together.
4. Moments for two
Try to strike a healthy balance between closeness and distance. Give yourself enough space but at the same time plan enough time for togetherness.
Perhaps you are looking for a hobby together or doing something with mutual friends? Making plans for the future will also strengthen your relationship over the long term.
5. Physical closeness
Of course, active sex life is part of every relationship. You can also speak openly here about your wishes and needs. Create exciting changes and escape the everyday routine that will eventually return.
Are people naturally monogamous?
At a time when the failure of monogamous relationships is more visible than ever, and the interest in open relationships is growing, the question arises: does happiness happen with a monogamous perspective?
Scientists from the US National Academy of Sciences claim: Yes!
They believe that people hold monogamous relationships to protect their offspring.
Social monogamy means that males and females enter into a two-way relationship to raise offspring together.
Sexual contact with others is not excluded, however, jealousy only plays a subordinate role in the animal world. There can be no question of eternal love with the primates, but rather of a relationship of purpose.
In the case of mammals, in particular, primates adhere to the classic mother-father-child formula – even if it is only for the time of rearing boys.
In general, monogamy is the absolute exception in the animal world. Only three to five percent of mammals live in this form of relationship, sometimes only during the time, they are rearing their young. For the rest, polygamy is the rule. It’s a little different in the bird kingdom. It is assumed that relationships are over 90 percent monogamous, at least during brood rearing.
In mammals, for example, polygamy is the absolute rule. Only three to five percent live in a monogamous relationship.
On the other hand, birds are much more loyal to their partner. Over 90 percent live here with a single partner for their entire life.
According to evolutionary research, these large differences arise primarily for two very practical reasons.
It was found that there is a connection between the number of offspring and the monogamous way of life. If only a few offspring are born, it is all the more important that father and mother look after you together. They therefore mostly live monogamously.
Species that require a particularly long time to look after their offspring are also more likely to have a monogamous relationship so that the father can support the mother in rearing them.
Make sure you read: 10+ Different Types of Relationships You’ve Got to Know
Whether or not monogamy is the right form of relationship is a question of individual attitudes.
For one, the most important thing is the emotional bond with just one partner, while the other attaches great importance to sexual fidelity.
Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself which type of relationship you can be happy with in the long term.
The important thing here is to find a way that both you and your partner feel comfortable.