Do you feel socially uncomfortable? Use 10 characteristics to test whether you are socially awkward. Learn quickly what to do about it and how to fix it.
feeling uncomfortable?? Listen, my friend !!! In case you haven’t figured it out yet:
“Success largely depends on social skills.”
Do you have no social skills? Then you can shake a nice life.
- No hot chicks
- Not cool friends
- No promotion at work
Just look at the popular men around you. Do they have hotter chicks, nicer friends, and a better job than you?
Hence, I give you ten tips to get rid of this awkwardness and become a social superstar.
So you get more friends, meet nicer women and perform better at work. And you leave the guys who are now popular (and doing better than you) far behind.
1. You describe yourself as socially awkward
If you think you are socially awkward…
…then that prediction will come true.
You have the perfect excuse to stop trying your best. After all, you are ” socially uncomfortable ” which makes it a character trait that you cannot change.
But it doesn’t work like that, homie.
You won’t get out of here that easily.
Being social is a skill
Ever heard of “ social skills ”?
If you feel uncomfortable in a company, it is not because there is some flaw in your character or psyche. It’s simply because you lack skills.
If you can learn enough social skills to score a lot of chicks, then you are awesome.
Where does this feeling of uneasiness come from?
There are roughly two reasons:
A lack of exercise. Maybe you didn’t play much with other kids or you missed out on a bit in high school. Either way, you probably didn’t have enough practice to build strong social skills in your childhood. The older you get, the fewer opportunities there are for this. (You’ll learn how to create these opportunities later).
Bad experiences. If you’ve seen others laugh at you or not take you seriously while you’re connecting, it hurts. Being rejected the moment you try to make contact is an unpleasant feeling and can change your self-image.
Thank goodness I’m not a psychologist, so I don’t have to deal with your sad lack of self-confidence.
It’s my job in the rest of this article to teach you how to practice improving your social skills.
The more practice you get, the more you will learn and the more successes you will see.
Only when things are going better on a social level will you feel less uncomfortable.
Luckily this is my job. So explaining to you how to become a social superstar in three months is a small effort.
And before you start whining that you are special and there is something so serious about you that you are beyond help, shut up.
2. You are afraid of rejection
afraid of being rejected
What I often notice in socially awkward men is that they avoid social situations.
This is the stupidest thing you can do.
If you’re socially awkward, you need more practice, not less. Every opportunity to be a social guy is an opportunity to brush up on your social skills.
Unfortunately, the fear of rejection drives the socially awkward man into a pathetic state of paralysis. He becomes so nervous that he no longer dares to talk to other people.
Let me explain how I get even the toughest cases to approach and take home the most attractive (read: most intimidating ) women.
You are afraid to say something wrong
Most men are afraid to approach a strange woman for fear of being rejected.
This is a somewhat extreme example. How many men do you know who freely approach strange women?
If you feel a bit socially awkward in “ normal ” situations, it’s partly because you really want to do it right, simply not to turn into an awkward situation.
If you make this a habit, you shut up when you should say something.
Or even worse:
Instead of listening to others, you constantly joke in the hope of being liked.
The fear of uncomfortable situations takes many forms and it’s your job to make sure it doesn’t rule your life.
How to get rid of your social anxiety
The only way to get rid of it is to go through it.
Below, my colleague Tim and I provide an analysis of the example of the fear of approaching strange women.
In other words:
Does something make you nervous? Then take small steps in this area.
Do you find it difficult to have a chat with a colleague during your lunch break?
First, say ” Hi “.
Next time ask how you are.
The next time you even answer if he asks the question back.
If you find it exciting to participate in a group discussion, start carefully.
You bring in one little thing.
If this goes well, take a little longer to speak.
And if this doesn’t give you heart palpitations, you can actually try to squeeze a longer anecdote out of your throat.
The principle is simple:
Build it up slowly. Go slowly enough to keep your nerves manageable.
3. You are shy
Shy people enjoy social interactions less than those around them.
They prefer to lock themselves up with a book. Or spend their free time in some other non-social way.
Unfortunately, I have bad news for all shy people:
Sooner or later you will need company.
Although as a shy person you are less likely to seek contact, this moment will come naturally.
So if you tend to be “ shy ” when you are in a social situation, remember that this is just procrastination.
All you’re doing is denying yourself exercise and giving the impression that you don’t need company (which you do at the moment).
what if you are shyThe answer for the shy man
Spend your time the way you want.
If you prefer to spend most of your free time alone, that’s what you should do.
But if you want to get stronger socially, you’ll need to get plenty of exercises. Not to mention seducing women.
That’s why I want you to enjoy the time you spend alone. Set it up exactly as you want.
And when it’s time to be social, you put your shy nature in the fridge. And do your best to be a bit more extroverted.
By this, I don’t mean that you have to play the part of someone who likes to be the center of attention. If you’re not that outgoing, for example, you don’t have to pretend you’ve suddenly transformed into the most sociable man on the planet.
But what you can do is shift your attention as much as possible to the people around you:
Listen with all your attention.
Ask good questions. Show interest.
Learn some conversation techniques by heart beforehand.
4. You are locked out
Socially awkward people are more likely to be excluded from a group.
Or passive-aggressive comments are made that (rightly) make them feel like they don’t belong.
First of all, I want to make it clear that in a group of more than three people there are usually a few people who hang out a bit. So if you happen to be in one of the groups you hang out with, it’s not surprising.
What’s wrong here?
There are roughly two options:
You confront the group with their behavior. Not in a passive-aggressive way but calmly as indicated in the video above.
You accept that you are not the most popular in this group.
If you hang out with people you like and they show you enough respect, then you basically have everything you need. Only if people are very upset is it good to check whether you want to stay in this group or rather look for another group.
Also, look at your own behavior…
If you’re not the most popular in a group, it usually means you’re deviating slightly from the norm. But it can also mean that you are exceeding the norm. And then it’s very interesting to find out where exactly it goes wrong.
If you know what you’re doing wrong, you can change it. Perhaps you display behavior that turns people off. And is it better to change this so that you are better in the group?
5. There are awkward silences
Shy and awkward conversations?
If I had a dollar for every guy who comes to me and asks how he can stop the conversation when he’s talking to a woman…
…then I could have stopped working nine years ago and bought a nice boat to sail around the world on.
As I mentioned before, flirting with a woman you like is a bit more complicated in terms of social skills than talking to someone you don’t like.
But even there it is downright annoying when the conversation stops.
Often this is a symptom of an underlying problem.
But before I explain to you what this problem is:
Stop stressing about awkward silences
You gain nothing with that.
Have you ever sat on the couch with a friend or family member in complete silence while the two of you are reading a book? Or enjoyed a meal in silence, in an intimate and relaxed atmosphere?
These are examples of silences that bring people closer together. Perhaps the silence that you experience as uncomfortable for the other person is a beautiful and intimate moment. You shouldn’t rush through that too quickly.
The best way to deal with silences is to look very closely at how the other person is feeling at that moment.
If this person looks “ neutral ” and relaxed, there is nothing to worry about. And this is usually the case.
If someone looks impatient, bored, or like they’re not having a good time, you can do something about it.
This is how you prevent your conversation partner from getting bored
There are two ways to avoid this:
Become a more interesting person. You would also be more interested in someone who does something with their life or makes an attractive first impression. If people think you’re boring, it’s time to look in the mirror and see what you can do to be less boring.
6. You’re an Outcast (Appearance)
If people treat you like you don’t quite fit in, it could be because you look different. You deviate slightly from the norm in terms of appearance (or your body language, or your conversation material). And because of this, you are treated differently from the rest.
If they approach you slightly differently, there is a good chance that you will do something different. You will have to assess for yourself whether this has to do with your behavior or appearance.
pay attention to your appearance Newsflash: You can change your appearance
If you go to a costume party in your jeans, you’re missing out.
If you go to a funeral dressed in white, you look out of place.
If you insist on looking in a way that deviates from what is considered normal, you will always get reactions.
Fortunately, it’s easy to change clothes, buy new shoes and make sure you look nice, well-groomed overall.
And luckily, it’s easy to compare your appearance to that of the people in the group you want to belong to. And if necessary, adjust your appearance so that it more closely matches that of the people in the group.
Or at least make sure they don’t take offense.
Your goal is not to be the best-dressed man in the group. You simply don’t want to come across as an outsider because this can be the source of awkward situations.
And let me add one more thing:
There’s no excuse to be ugly
What I am about to say is not politically correct.
Beautiful people have an edge over ugly people.
But I have absolutely no pity for ugly people. Simply because there are so many possibilities to solve your ugliness.
For example, if you have crooked teeth, you can wear braces for a few years to straighten them out. And for serious cases, you can always invest a few thousand euros in an operation that drastically improves your teeth.
You can’t help it if you weren’t born with beautiful teeth. But if you refuse to do anything about it, well….
Then nobody can help you.
If there are opportunities to do something about an outward abnormality, you are a loser if you neglect those options.
And this is especially true for grooming. If you insist on walking down the street in a Star Wars shirt, you deserve to be rejected by women.
7. You close as soon as it gets exciting
You hang up whole stories against a woman you don’t like. Regardless of whether she listens, you blow her ears off her head.
But with a lady that makes you feel hot, the opposite happens.
It is deafeningly quiet.
The same goes for other conversations where you are a little too eager to look good.
With men who impress you.
At job applications.
In other social situations that can have consequences.
It’s as if your brains are thinking about the possible consequences if you make a mistake. You suddenly become afraid of losing something.
And of course, the person in front of you sees that too.
practice addressing women.
Don’t make it personal…!!!!
You can only learn to control your emotions with a lot of practice. In the case of beautiful women, it is better to address two thousand than two.
After those two thousand women, you will be calmer and less likely to slam shut.
But that won’t work with job applications, for example. You can hardly do two thousand job interviews.
The most important thing is that you understand that a rejection is not meant personally.
Someone rejects you not to hurt you but because what you are asking is not in his or her best interest.
That other person doesn’t know what you know. And based on how you behave, he or she does not see how you can offer added value. That goes for beautiful women, job interviews, or other situations where you sweat on your forehead.
You slam shut because you can’t handle the tension well. But a much better way is to listen carefully to the other person to find out what he or she needs. If you know what that is, make sure you give it to that person.
Women like strong men.
8. Many of your comments don’t go down well
A characteristic of people who have had too little social practice is that they blurt out all kinds of things that don’t fit the situation they find themselves in.
Joking at a funeral.
Talking about deep emotions at a cozy card evening.
Start talking about small things to colleagues while they are hard at work.
Socially awkward people do not sense when something is appropriate or not.
They are often too honest. Things that you can better keep to yourself because of the atmosphere, they blur out in no time.
Nine times out of ten, if a comment doesn’t go down well, it’s because it doesn’t fit the conversation you’re having.
Look at the effect of what you say
When you say something in company, pay close attention to how it falls.
If you see that things aren’t going well, first ask yourself if what you said fits in with the conversation that’s going on. Especially if people don’t really respond to you or change the subject quickly.
Obviously, if you’re in the same setting, don’t repeat this comment again.
9. You have few friends
A characteristic of socially awkward people is that they have few friends.
The solution for this consists of two parts:
Find people you want to be friends with. Go to places where you meet people who like the same things as you. Make the effort to get to know them and meet more often.
Make sure you don’t do things that don’t suit the situation. If you do something socially awkward, make it a mental note and don’t do it again (or more carefully).
10. You don’t need much social contact
It strikes me that men who struggle with all of the above have usually learned to entertain themselves. Often they have hobbies that isolate them socially.
Instead of signing up for a sports club, they play online games.
Instead of going to the pub, they watch TV at home.
Instead of talking to their classmates during recess, they study longer.
This will happen automatically if you don’t have enough claims. You look for ways to feel comfortable without involving other people. Unfortunately, this has the double function of avoiding social contact. And if you want to improve your social skills, this is the last thing to do.
At first, it may seem like you prefer solo activities and get a little restless if you can’t do them. But in reality, there is a chance that you will automatically adjust to a more intense social life.
Build it up slowly
If you find “ acting socially ” uncomfortable, then it is important to get over it…. But not all at once.
Start slow. Plan a social evening twice a week for the first month. After a month you do three evenings. And that’s how you develop it further.
Also, don’t be afraid to take a “ break ” for a week if you’ve had enough. Better to take a step back than burn out completely.
The goal is to slowly get used to a more intense social life and to build the skills to sustain it.
Now you got rid of social awkwardness.
With these tips, you’ll know exactly what to do if you’re feeling socially awkward.
But it’s not just important to learn what not to do.
Do you also know what to say?